The Easiest Way To Die (10-08-09)

Life is truly unfair...
You don't always get what you want and things don't always go your way.
It's full of surprises that oftentimes, I mean, most of the time, come up in small packages just when you least expected it.

"Insanity is just a hair strand away"

--now that's something I have learned in Psychiatric Nursing during my college days ...

Last night, I had a fight with my lover. And now I'm not actually sure what the reason was why we almost gave up on our relationship. Oh, come on, guys, you know ... Petty fights? Lambingan blues and all that jazz? But anyway, here's a flashback of the drama that has happened last night -- I remembered that he was so cold ... and I was so angry ... and he was out with his friends enjoying the night (yeah, I know, what kind of guy is he to have fun while his girlfriend is hurting on the other end of the line, right?) ... and I'm still angry and so on ... blah - blah! A never-ending petty fight! I cried liters of tears and was nearly suffocated by it, I had to sit down and relax but still those little salty badges of water endlessly flowed through my eyes (and nose!). It hurt so much that thoughts went through my mind, paranoia creeps up and was really driving me insane! AAAARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! *breathes deeply*

"Sana'y hindi ka nalang pala aking nakilala,
Kung alam ko lang na ako'y masasaktan ng ganito,
Di sana'y nakinig nalang ako sa nanay ko ..."
OO, by UpDharmaDown

But upon experiencing such a horrible thing (hey, I'm a young lady in love, I'm way dramatic! What would you expect? hehe), it made me realize the ways to die easily ...
*suicidal-tendency-senses tingling*
HOLD IT!

Put away those knives, forks (forks?!) or any pointy objects that could easily penetrate your skin (and yes, hun, needles included!)
You won't be needing any guns or other firearms, dear.
Ropes and strings are not also necessary.

Wait a minute!
This isn't the Suicide 101 (let me guess, you really wish this subject exists, don't you?) class you want to attend to?
Hurting or killing yourself won't make any sense at all!

Back to business,
the easiest way to die is to let yourself be numb from whatever threatens to hurt you. As what I have experienced last night, the easiest way to die, for me, was to calm myself, pretending that every thing's going to be alright but still i was broken into a million pieces inside, trying not to feel the pain and hurt that cuts through my veins and i know it exists all along but still couldn't find a way to let it out and be free from it ...



awtz .............